Why the Ostrich Sticks Its Head in the Sand

Because it's a heck of a lot easier than watching the world pass you by. See? Some questions have simple answers.

No, really, I'm just having a weird day. I realized, in the middle of a shift at Reckers, that I was doing the same thing that I did six years ago. Smoothies, pizza, thinking about registration. A lot has happened since then, but unlike most of the Western world, my reality refuses to be linear. Everything for me is cyclical--home, ND, home, ND. Summer job, school, summer job, school. Infatuated, not, infatuated, not. Okay, those ones happen to a lot of people. But lately, despite the fact that I know I'm moving toward an end goal, I feel like I'm oscillating more than progressing, and it kind of weirds me out.

When I was in high school, I never imagined being 24 and still in school. Looking at another three years of school. I'm almost 25 and I still have no idea what my real life is going to be like. Don't get me wrong--I don't think that the life I'm living right now isn't real; I'm not delusional or anything. But it's temporary. I'm making plans for a future that won't have any kind of permanence for another 3 years. That's quite daunting, because I have no idea if I'll still want to be on this path in three years.

The good thing is that, at least at ND, I'm not alone in that. We're all temporary. The relief is less stark between the Ugrads and my grad school friends here than it is between my friends at home and me. All of them are knee deep in permanence: houses, marriages, cats. Permanent. They know who they're going to be sleeping next to in 50 years. I, on the other hand, have no idea what I'll be doing a year from now. Hell--six months from now. No, that's a lie. 6 months from now I'll be on Folk Choir tour. But you get my meaning. Four month from now I'll be filling out another round of applications for fellowships and MEd programs, and won't know what's going to happen until March or April. It's craziness.

Thank God I have a blog. Otherwise I'd have to seek therapy and that's outside my budget, so I'd be forced to choose between sanity and fiscal solvency. Tough choice. I really like my creature comforts, like food and clothing and shelter...

Alright, I'm over it. I think I'm going to check on some fellowship programs now, just in case I don't get into ACE the first time. God knows ND likes to waitlist me.

Song of the moment: "Jesus, Take the Wheel" ~Carrie Underwood