Interesting.

Those of you who know me well know that I have an MO: fall quickly, obsess a bit, move on but not really then over it. It's mostly mind games, in which my head convinces me that I feel a certain way because it seems like I should. Any interested is good interest, and should be cultivated.

I am, therefore, really kind of surprised how insidious it can be--actually missing someone that my heart is no kidding invested in, when my head was trying to convince me otherwise. I thought I was mentally prepared for him to be gone, since I spent the last two months working myself up for it. I didn't realize, though, how many times a day I think of things I want to say or how he would react to something and how much of that I stored up to share over dinner, beer, and Boggle. I got Boggle for Christmas and almost started crying. That is not me. Under normal circumstances, Imight have tried for some tears, because it's expected; as it was, I almost had to leave the room so no one would see. I guess that's really the litmus test for my emotion; you know it's real when I try to hide it.

Not gonna lie...I really don't like it when it actually hurts, as opposed to pain for dramatic effect. I prefer the drama to the reality.